what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My ATM looks so different sober.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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