I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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