That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
