Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
