I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
