oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
