Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
