i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
