I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
