I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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