If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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