Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
