We're facebook friends in real life
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
