i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
