Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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