it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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