I should be sponsored by Trojan
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
