My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
