Can i not drive my cunt home
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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