Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
