Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
