Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
