How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
