he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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