you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
