Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
