I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
