I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
