apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
