its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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