I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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