im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
