this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
