I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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