There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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