soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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