I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
