It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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