you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
