I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
