I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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