So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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