Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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