i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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