So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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