After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
