is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
