I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
