So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
