Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
